I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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