When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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