True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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