i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
this is an emotional support booty call
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
