I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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