Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
