one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
