did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
