Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
