covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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