Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
