Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
