the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
