I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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