um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek