it hurts more in the daytime
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
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