Texts From Last Night

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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"

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  (414): He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly" http://tfl.nu/s1qp
  Replies (41) Good night (786) Bad night (4914)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.

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  (770): Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock. http://tfl.nu/ip50
  Replies (16) Good night (4147) Bad night (766)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

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  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (7189) Bad night (924)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

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  (908): Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner. http://tfl.nu/otz7
  Replies (36) Good night (16880) Bad night (941)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.

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  (443): Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears. http://tfl.nu/xwms
  Replies (14) Good night (1240) Bad night (3951)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.

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  (208): His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood. http://tfl.nu/55rt
  Replies (14) Good night (4977) Bad night (1630)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

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  (240): Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic. http://tfl.nu/gchg
  Replies (5) Good night (4345) Bad night (1558)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.

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  (502): I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever. http://tfl.nu/bzzy
  Replies (6) Good night (3884) Bad night (712)
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  (510): View more from California

  Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.

  (1-510): View more from California

  That is one convoluted booty call.

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  (510): Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week. (1-510): That is one convoluted booty call. http://tfl.nu/bxw4
  Replies (2) Good night (699) Bad night (924)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.

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  (570): I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club. http://tfl.nu/5u2s
  Replies (13) Good night (1409) Bad night (1061)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I respect the size of her balls.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.

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  (303): I respect the size of her balls. (1-303): Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else. http://tfl.nu/t5xu
  Replies (15) Good night (792) Bad night (780)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.

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  (817): I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore. http://tfl.nu/onr6
  Replies (6) Good night (1310) Bad night (468)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights

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  (602): I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights http://tfl.nu/puqx
  Replies (9) Good night (1219) Bad night (332)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?

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  (848): How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window? http://tfl.nu/f8ev
  Replies (1) Good night (208) Bad night (434)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!

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  (318): WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW! http://tfl.nu/fuwp
  Replies (1) Good night (228) Bad night (248)

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