Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME

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  (212): guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME http://tfl.nu/dcck
  Replies (5) Good night (1413) Bad night (765)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.

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  (202): i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left. http://tfl.nu/4tq4
  Replies (10) Good night (1104) Bad night (2678)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie

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  (513): This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie http://tfl.nu/0ykf
  Replies (30) Good night (4117) Bad night (730)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono

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  (347): Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono http://tfl.nu/a0gb
  Replies (40) Good night (7990) Bad night (1113)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

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  (775): they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it. http://tfl.nu/g3nc
  Replies (19) Good night (6012) Bad night (939)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship

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  (815): Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship http://tfl.nu/xkl4
  Replies (5) Good night (2737) Bad night (1486)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate

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  (908): Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate http://tfl.nu/t9ao
  Replies (3) Good night (2420) Bad night (984)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.

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  (512): I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself. http://tfl.nu/i5og
  Replies (15) Good night (845) Bad night (4022)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.

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  (339): Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys. http://tfl.nu/p4yk
  Replies (20) Good night (6309) Bad night (1015)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza

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  (806): I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza http://tfl.nu/jih1
  Replies (3) Good night (1554) Bad night (835)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.

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  (703): I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone. http://tfl.nu/an49
  Replies (5) Good night (480) Bad night (925)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."

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  (617): I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..." http://tfl.nu/x7hv
  Replies (1) Good night (818) Bad night (449)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"

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  (630): There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!" http://tfl.nu/d703
  Replies (2) Good night (1180) Bad night (391)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.

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  (330): If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on. http://tfl.nu/53ym
  Replies (1) Good night (469) Bad night (201)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.

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  (908): I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work. http://tfl.nu/aq0t
  Replies (2) Good night (388) Bad night (234)

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