reminds me of losing my job
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
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she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?