I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
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I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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