i think i have two assholes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
