i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize