Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize