so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
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I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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