i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize