girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
