ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You dont lie about slip and slides
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
