What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
