You're completely useless in the revolution.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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