She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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