shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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