Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
