I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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