I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
