you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
