you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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