mondays should just be called national damage control day
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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