Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
