I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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