she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
