she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
