i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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