I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
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you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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