We're facebook friends in real life
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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