Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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