Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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