someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
