That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
