I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
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We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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