I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
