Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
