I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
