she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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