so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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