she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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