Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
